‘The only gossip I’m interested in is things from the Weekly World News – ‘Woman’s bra bursts, 11 injured’. That kind of thing.’ –Johnny Depp
From screaming at premieres and lustfully throwing undergarments, to longingly penning odes of love- endless amounts of girls, women (and men?) long to surreptitiously slip between the sheets of cinema’s eccentrically complex Johnny Depp, but to ensure success, perhaps they ought to follow in the footsteps of his romantic conquests when trying their hand at their own bit of serenading…
1. Eat wedding cake using only your chin.
2. Overlook his body image insecurities.
3. Seduce stone statues to make his scissory hands quiver with jealousy.
‘He was so desperately in love with Winona, that when they broke up, he wouldn’t admit it was over for the longest time.’ – Tim Burton
4. Never leave the house without make-up on.
5. Re-enact Grease every Sunday afternoon.
6. Shower only in Champagne.
7. Be a porn star.
8. Or a supermodel.
9. Just a normal model.
10. Or at very least, an actress.
11. Conceal razor sharp ice-cream cones under your skin.
12. Then proceed to flail your naked supermodel body at him for the next four years.
13. Never clean the living room.
14. And remember, always fake smoke whilst wearing a bandana if you lose your bra.
‘The teachers didn’t want to teach, and I didn’t want to learn—from them. I wanted my education to come from living life, getting out there in the world, seeing and doing and moving amongst the other vagabonds who had had the same sneaking suspicion that I did, that there would be no great need for high-end mathematics, nope… I was not going to be doing other people’s taxes and going home at 5:37 p.m. to pat my dog’s head and sit down to my one meat and two vegetable table waiting for Jeopardy to pop on the glass tit, the Pat Sajak of my own private game show, in the bellybutton of the universe, Miramar, Florida.-
― Johnny Depp
*This weeks photos are not my own (obviously).*